saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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