...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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