he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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