I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize