Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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