I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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