i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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