New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my being single is dangerous.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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