I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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