STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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