new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize