i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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