How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize