I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize