you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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