I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize