Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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