is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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