you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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