I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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