how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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