Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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