thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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