Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
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I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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