I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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