First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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