1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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