Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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