All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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