I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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