so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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