I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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