Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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