I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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