Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Someone came in the potted fern
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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