i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize