His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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