You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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