i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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