I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize