Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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