Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
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woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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