The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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