Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize