I could make wine with my vomit
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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