Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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