Your face is a jimmy john
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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