the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize