Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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