His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize