i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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