I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize