Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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